Tuesday, June 7, 2011

6/7/11 You Need a Link to Heaven, Boy?

Got word from Dr. Yesterday, this morning. While I've been alternating between shooting up the place, listening to the glorious symphony of the stars, and hearing the poor guys at Alpha Base 7 complaining that it's a lockeroom up there now that the only woman went home (heteronormative idiots), he and his team have been analyzing what was left of Magda Goebbels.

You sitting down for this, son?

It's hard to be sure, as the last time we got a tissue sample off of her it was a little blood left on someone's boot after kicking her square in the nose, back in '84. But if what we got then and what we're seeing now match up at all, then approximately 96% of her genes were no longer what they were, just over a quarter of a century ago.

Read that again.

Sometime in the last 27 years, she almost completely changed gene structure from a pretty blonde with some decent superpowers to weird-ass proto-shoggoth that was squeezing out up to thirty kids every month. They think her previous abilities were gone (dear God I hope that thing couldn't fly) and all that was left was her proclivity for cranking out children, magnified to Wagnerian proportions.

And while we haven't come across the records that would explain what the !@#$ could have caused this, the general suspicion is that something in The Chamber had a hand in it.

What the hell makes someone do something like this to themselves? I'll never know. Maybe, like me, she thought it was this or the world.

Except I kept my good looks and charm. Well, charm's debatable. And good looks kind of depend on the light and how much eyeshadow I remembered to wear when I dragged my drunk ass out of the shower this morning.

But the important thing here, son, is that there's no length to which someone will spindle, fold, and mutilate their genome in order to achieve some goal, provided you can make the right pitch.

Which brings us to GORGON, which is my other piece of unfinished business. We led them to believe that we were going to be dealing with them when in reality we went after ABWEHR. But soon they're going to realize that they've been had in a big way, and will start pulling up stakes and running for cover.

And maybe they've got a lead on us, now. Or they thought they did, anyway.

But I know something, now. I had no idea how ingrained those false-faced sons of bitches were, or how daring.

I had no conception that they were bold and well-connected enough to be running their communications through our own extra-lunar defense grid.

Except that now, if I cock my "ears" just right, I can hear every !@#$ word they're saying. Which means I know where they're moving everything to, and when.

Which means, God help me, I think I understand why Magda turned into a rolling cross between an octopus and vagina dentata.

(SPYGOD is listening to All She Wants Is (Duran Duran) and keeping it clean, for now)

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