9/5/11
3:54 PM
2 DARBAR GRILL
TRANSCRIPT BEGINS:
SPYGOD: Wasn't sure you'd show.
DOSHA JOSH: I wasn't sure I would, either. But my man was free, and I hear the naan is the best outside of Delhi. So I thought I would try it.
SPYGOD: Is it?
DOSHA JOSH: Needs more of everything. But I suppose you white people will eat anything if someone says it's authentic.
SPYGOD: Except for intelligence.
DOSHA JOSH: Of course. You asked me to look into that matter for you. I have.
SPYGOD: And?
DOSHA JOSH: It's all here in this disc. I'm sure you won't mind if I ask you not to read it here.
SPYGOD: No one will know what we're up to.
DOSHA JOSH: That's not my concern. I'm actually having a nice lunch and do not feel the need to have you ruin it by turning the air blue.
SPYGOD: I think I can !@#$ accommodate. That's one I owe you.
DOSHA JOSH: Two. That's two you owe me. Three if you count me backing you in front of the others after your little adventure in Afghanistan.
SPYGOD: !@#$ had it coming. Any smart guy can see that. You're a smart guy. Should I owe you for not farting in public, too?
DOSHA JOSH: I'd settle for an obscenity-free lunch.
SPYGOD: Unless it's in !@#$ Hindi, right? I've heard you carry on, Dosha. I've known Karachi hookers with better manners.
DOSHA JOSH: "Oh eavesdropping, up yours."
SPYGOD: Whatever. Thanks for the info. And the save.
DOSHA JOSH: Not the beer?
SPYGOD: Not the greatest, but I appreciate the gesture. Kingfisher, next time?
DOSHA JOSH: Cha cha chod...
SPYGOD: He's a little too butch for me, but thanks for the offer...
TRANSCRIPT ENDS
9/6/11
6:23 AM
CENTRAL PARK
TRANSCRIPT BEGINS:
(REDACTED): A little late, as always.
SPYGOD: Yeah, well, I like to keep you guessing.
(REDACTED): Sadly, you're totally transparent.
SPYGOD: Only when I'm wearing the No Suit. And we all know how that goes...
(REDACTED): So, did you enjoy shooting an elderly woman in the back and face?
SPYGOD: Less than you might think, more than you might like. Why?
(REDACTED): I didn't know you had it in you.
SPYGOD: Using a dangling problem to solve a more pressing issue? Since when is that not me?
(REDACTED): One of these days you will be out of alibis and patsies. I look forward to that. I think it'll be a good day when this country finally sees you for the monster you are.
SPYGOD: I'm the best monster for the job, !@#$ face. That's why I have it. Now, can we do business, or do you want to berate me for killing a wanted supervillain who thought she'd escaped justice?
(REDACTED): ...
SPYGOD: I do still have the crime scene photos from that Senator's family, if you'd like to see why she went into hiding.
(REDACTED): Never mind that. Yes, we can do business. It's why I'm here, dealing with you.
SPYGOD: Okay then. Here's the package I agreed to. It's all the info I could find on those little conversations your people had with our former friend, plus a few extras.
(REDACTED): What sort of extras.
SPYGOD: Well, you know half of his all-female bodyguards are replicants. I know who made them. I gave you their shutdown codes. Three nonsense words you wouldn't tend to hear in that combination in Arabic, but they'll force a catastrophic brain meltdown in seconds.
(REDACTED): Hmm. That could be very useful in the near future.
SPYGOD: And did you get what I asked for?
(REDACTED): It's all there. I don't see how this isn't something you could get yourself, though.
SPYGOD: Me to know, you to get a gun up your !@#$ if you try and figure out.
(REDACTED): You really are Mr. Congeniality, today. No faggot sex last night?
SPYGOD: Tons of it, son. This is just how I deal with company !@#$ snakes in bad suits.
(REDACTED): !@#$ you.
SPYGOD: Please. I'd turn your !@#$hole inside out like a noggin-punched octopus. And that is not something you want to explain to your HMO.
(REDACTED): Whatever.
SPYGOD: Oh, and tell those !@#$ in the No Suits to stop trying to !@#$ follow me. Not only can I see them, but I can tell what they !@#$ had for lunch. Yesterday.
(REDACTED): I don't know what you're talking about--
SPYGOD: Devil dogs from Jerry's sidewalk stand. Extra peppers. The guy on the right held the mustard.
(REDACTED): ....
SPYGOD: Have a nice day, !@#$.
TRANSCRIPT ENDS
9/7/11
10:23 AM
THE B.U.I.L.D.I.N.G. / THE ICE PALACE
TRANSCRIPT BEGINS:
DR. YESTERDAY: Hello?
SPYGOD: Why hello, doc. How are we doing today?
DR. YESTERDAY: Oh my god... I told you never to call me on an open line-
SPYGOD: Relax, doc. This thing's been scrambled so many times there's eggs out there that wish they had it this !@#$ good. I've bounced it off more satellites than the USSR had client states. No one's gonna know !@#$.
DR. YESTERDAY: Well that would be true unless I had Geri recalibrate it-
SPYGOD: And her and I have discussed this, and she made sure we've got a back door in for occasions just like this.
DR. YESTERDAY: If you say so. If he catches me-
SPYGOD: Oh man the !@#$ up, doc. He's in !@#$ Hartford making sure the !@#$ he was chasing for all those years is actually !@#$ dead. And do you really think those dumb !@#$ bluehelmets are actually going to crack your wife's back door?
DR. YESTERDAY: ... You know, you do have a point there.
SPYGOD: I do. Yes. Now, you know why I'm calling.
DR. YESTERDAY: Yes.
SPYGOD: And?
DR. YESTERDAY: No. We are no closer to figuring it out.
SPYGOD: Good. How long?
DR. YESTERDAY: Indefinitely. Geri has him wrapped around her little finger. He trusts her implicitly and cannot bring himself to believe she would lie to him.
SPYGOD: And the other matter we were discussing?
DR. YESTERDAY: I can't believe you still want me to go through with that. It's monstrous. It's a crime against science-
SPYGOD: Doc, you and I both know that if any human agency gets their hands on what's inside that room, the consequences could be !@#$ catastrophic. The only reason the world isn't being run by !@#$ supernazis is because they couldn't figure out how to make any of it work. And I think we both know the US Government doesn't have the world's greatest track record with these kinds of things.
DR. YESTERDAY: I know. I know. But it's... you're asking me to get ready to deny us access to the greatest mystery of our time, man! Can't you understand what you're doing?
SPYGOD: Saving the world, one day at a time. Do it. And if it comes down to it, I'll be the one to push the !@#$ button. Not you.
DR. YESTERDAY: That does not help my conscience in the slightest.
SPYGOD: Yeah, well, I'm not worried about that. I am worried about our long term survival as a planet, though.
DR. YESTERDAY: I will do it.
SPYGOD: Good. And the next time you're up in Neo York, could you have a look at METALMAID? I think she's off her programming, but I don't know how or how much.
DR. YESTERDAY: Sure, I'll do that. Would you like me to spackle your den while I'm at it? Maybe give your atomic sneakers a tune up?
*click*
DR. YESTERDAY: Hello?
TRANSCRIPT ENDS:
(SPYGOD is listening to The Telephone Call (Kraftwerk) and having an Empire Cream Ale.)
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